This crazy world..

If i had to decide where my favourite place in the entire world was it would have to be somewhere that is tranquil, somewhere I can reflect and somewhere that is just as fantastic in all the seasons. My bedroom window, in fact, has displayed some of the most glorious sunsets that I have never seen in photos or on travels. It never fails, no matter what the season, to amaze me as I spend countless hours at my desk, admiring the passing clouds and planes. Also, the river walk that runs for a mile and a bit past my house is incredible during the summer when the sun shines off the water and the air is fresh from the sea. In winter, it is a nice place to escape for a while amongst the bare trees and soothing sound of the crashing waves. But, saying that, my abnormally warm and comfy bed could also be a contender along with my kitchen fridge! So, I guess if someone ever asked me where my favourite place in the world was, I would have to say 'home'. 

Who are you dying to see in concert?

Rascal Flatts / Taylor Swift / Jason Mraz

Who is your oldest friend?

Literally, my oldest friend is my great great auntie. She is so lovely and I am grateful to have her in my life. 

But technically my oldest friend is called Sarah (I think it's acceptable to mention her name seeing as there are many). I have been one of her closest friends, as she has been one of mine, for almost thirteen years. She moved schools (away from me) after the third year but that just made us much closer. She has been through everything I have ever been through in my life and if I ever lose her, it would be like losing a large part of my childhood and a significant part of my soul. 

I am a changed woman. I feel like an entirely different person to how I was a couple of months ago, which feels like years. I learnt that not everyone you meet stays in your life, some are just passing through to teach you a lesson, others are there for you to change their lives or teach them a lesson, though we are all oblivious to this of course. I also learnt that I do not need to impress people and agreeing with everything and always being nice can sometimes (not always) be a sign of weakness. It seems like a waste when I think of all the people who I am trying to keep happy now, all of the people I am trying to impress, the majority of them I will lose contact with in the next couple of years. 

A stick =)

New mid-year resolution: BLOG MORE!!

Well, aren't you guys lucky!!

I am on my computer every single day looking for ways to amuse or enlighten myself and so there are no excuses to not keep my blog up to date.

I have decided that I need more motivation. SInce I have my exams coming up this term I think these holidays are the best time to get the majority of my studying done and out the way so that I am not one huge stress ball when the time comes. It's quite scary if I'm honest. Thinking of how much of my future is in my hands - which is where it should be - holds a lot of pressure and the fact that one mistake can re-shape my destiny. It's even worse when I am prone to setting really high expectations for myself then missing them and ending up going through a long and self-destructive thought process.

Speaking of self-destruction I have recently noticed how pessimistic I have become. I am completely in denial of the luck and happiness that I was granted a few weeks ago of someone new entering my life and I'm always seeing the bad side of things. It's something I could do without if I am honest. However, during one of my rainy-day internet sessions I researched my character on the world wide web. That means that I looked up my starsign, horoscope, first name and surname etc and tried to make sense of my personality and where all of my emotions were coming from. It was a very bad idea as now I have it in my head that I am all of the things that were written and they aren't all that positive. Such as "a typical 'Scorpio' feels intense emotions, has a reserved personality and is prone to self-destructive thoughts". Now, I am assuming that the people who write these things either have a completely different starsign to those they write and base the personality traits on people they have encountered in their lives or they make it up completely on what their instinct tells them or they geninely have psychic powers. Or perhaps twelve people sit around a table in a room somewhere, all with a different starsign of course, and put forward suggestions of typical personality traits based on their own flaws and experiences. Sometimes, I must admit, my horoscope is completely accurate and I become convinced that these things actually have more control over my life than I do myself. It's ridiculous but I am torn between the two mindsets about it. However, one thing I am completely sure about is that you should not depend on these things all the time, but only in your most desperate hours of need and salvation.

How can someone tell you what you or your life is like without ever having met you and base it on the personality of the majority of people born under the same starsign?

It's increasingly frustrating when you find out that your starsign actually sucks and there is nothing you can do about it as, yet again, it is stuck with you for life, therefore having plenty of control.

I think anyone can be whoever they want to be regardless of what their name is, when they were born or any other stereotypes. Our life is in our own hands and we hear stories of people changing all the time and achieveing such wonderful and inspirational things from all walks of life and from every month of the year. The fact that several sources have told me I am 'intense' and 'reserved' and 'self-destructive' etc put it into my head that I was, brainwashing me into what I am expected to be like. It worked for a while. But now I feel more determined to become who I want to be, based on my own dreams and my own life - not from the personality I am expected to have or indeed persue.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in these things to a certain degree and I believe more than anything else that everything happens to us for a reason. But I do also think that we have the ultimate control over our lives, if we don't want to be 'intense', for example, then we shouldn't have to be.

BB x 

What's the first thing you would change to fix the economy?
Submitted by Chicago Shadow.

The people in charge of it.

This is going to sound a bit far-fetched but I feel like recently I have lost who I am. I could put it down to tiredness or perhaps the fact that there is someone new in my life could have something to do with it. I feel like a much older and maturer version of myself. I have lost my sense of humor a bit, perhaps because it was a slightly immature one. Don't get me wrong though... I am still happy, in fact I have found a kind of happiness that I never thought existed and am just in denial about it most of the time. It might also because it's a whole new situation and I just need to adjust - something I have always been slow at doing. I do hope that I find my grounding again sometime soon and with my exams coming up in May, I hope that this new situation I have found myself in does not become a distraction. 

Where do you find your personal strength?
Sponsored by Nature Made.

Through music or inspirational/philosophical quotes. 

I want to be wiser

I want to be content

I want to be more intellect

I want to be less worried

I want to be much calmer

I want to be my own best friend

I want to be independent

I want to be an original 

I want to be unique

I want to be more confident

I want to be more self-disciplined

I want to be focused

I want to be left alone

I want to be more involved

I want to be someone with a great legacy

I want to be more mature

I want to be where I should be

I want to be the one they turn to

I want to be much stronger

I want to be the best that I can be

But most of all… I want to be me.